Egocentric

Bye Bye

2010-01-20T10:20:00.002Z

New home... this time in Portuguese

À Minha Escala

Feel Good

2010-01-15T09:36:00.002Z

This week has been full of good moments, unexpected small pleasures and sweet sweet sins. =)

On Monday evening, I had dinner with one of the most important people of my life. Ever. It was nice to have him back, to be able to talk to him by myself. Not that we talked about anything other people couldn't know about, but I missed that kind of intimacy. The kind that belongs to no other than us only.

On Tuesday, I had a very unusual non-working day, which ended pretty early. I could take a walk downtown and then I had dinner (at M&Ad's place) with other three people who are the dearest to me. People who love me for who I am, and that I love and admire myself. I've always felt I had so much to learn from them and they never cease to amaze and surprise me, in a very good way. A. and I are travelling to Paris in June: if only M. could come as well.... But I believe we will be able to book a trip like that soon. ;)

On Wednesday, I had the evening to myself. I went to gym, I had a very healthy dinner (trying to compensate the mistakes I've been making for a week), I watched 3 episodes of a TV series and I read. It's very nice to be alone, every once in a while.

Yesterday, I decided I wanted to bake this cookie chocolate cake!! I Twitted that, so D. decided to come along. We baked it and went out for some coffee while it was cooling in the fridge. We had coffee and we talked like old times, no strings attached, no restrictions, no embarrassment. We had dinner at the same place we always do, and we had unexpected company during it. Nice people are always welcome. I also met an old friend, G., who I haven't talked to that often. Seems like she's with someone new, Yay! \o\ It's awesome to see people that shiny and happy.

Shiny, happy people... lalala

We went home and ate some dessert. Awesome...

Tonight I'm going to the gym and I'm having dinner with A. & M. again, this time at my place. We must be going out afterwards.

Gawd, do I love my friends...

Decisions

2010-01-11T16:32:00.002Z

Trip to Paris: booked. For that one there's no turning back.

French course: not going to take. It's not that useful, and I can always borrow books from a friend of mine.

Need a hobby. Seriously.

Chances and Opportunities

2010-01-11T12:00:00.002Z

It really sucks that people aren't born with the same chances and opportunities!!

I know this is no new subject, I know... But when we're one od the disadvantaged, it really sucks!!

OK, I know I'm not disadvantaged at all. But still...

May I start over again?

Challenges

2010-01-11T09:41:00.002Z

Now that's I feel fully adapted to my working-class life, I start realizing that even though I work out three times a week, I'm getting too much free time.

Gotta find myself something to do.

Suggestions, anyone?

What Now?

2009-12-03T14:04:00.003Z

A friend of mine, who I believe to be looking for a new job, asked me what my dream company would be.

My reply is (as usual): "Now that's a good question!"

I am currently working at a specific field of Civil Engineering, in which I never dreamed of working. I'm enjoying it though!

So I ask myself, if I have the chance of choosing between this and what I was looking for, which of them will I choose? Two months ago, my answer would be crystal clear, but now decision making would be fuzzy. Many factors are to be considered and to assess them properly is the key to a good decision. Thank Gawd I don't have to do that right away!

Generation Gap

2009-12-03T11:24:00.004Z

My co-workers say that there are many differences between my generation and theirs.
According to them, we are much more aware of reality but, in a way, we're a lot more careless.

For instance, they state we're all gay - as in, we're so gay friendly, that they cannot tell who among us is gay or not anymore. This also refers to being tolerant and accepting: respectful towards different styles and lifestyles.

Moreover, we seem to be much more conscious about ecological and social issues. We include sustainability in our daily routine, we avoid resource and energy waste, just as much as we avoid racism, poverty or homophobia. We are very concerned about being involved and making the world a better place, either by planting trees or volunteering for charity.

Furthermore, we seem not to worry about money as much as they do. We'd rather live a peaceful fulfilling life, than an exhausting one having money we wouldn't have time to spend.

So far so good, it seems like society's improving. Or maybe not.

"You've lost your values" - they say. Well, just how right can that be?
I look around and see commitment-phobes everywhere. I don't refer to relationships only - also when it comes to jobs or even to hobbies. Commitment is something not to face for as long as possible.
For us, everything is temporary, disposable and recyclable - so everything can be reused.
We are also very proud - we strive for perfection and effectiveness. That's why we seem so worried about whatever issues that surround us: we are playing the role society imposes on us. Therefore, we recycle not to be criticized and we do charity work in order for us to be able to criticize whoever doesn't. We ignore our friends and siblings, we put our every selfish needs above them, but all our sins will be purged since we are feeding the hungry and saving the whales.

Hurray for us. It seems like evolution is making a successful way.

To Be or Not To Be (Talked About)

2009-11-15T13:13:00.003Z

"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."

OK, now this may be just a little bit drastic but what does it really mean?

It's not about being popular and the center of everyone's world: it's not only about being an attention-whore.

Being talked about means being part of a scene - prolly the scene. It may not be about acting bohemian or unapologetic. It may even mean behaving properly - so much it deserves to be mentioned.

After all, being talked about may mean that you're an example - whether it's a good or a bad one s only up to you.

However, when you're talked about it isn't necessarily good or bad, it may just mean that you belong to a community in such a way that your charisma it engraved in people's minds.

Not to be talked about may mean that you are absolutely irrelevant and unnecessary. I'd rather belong than being a ghost or a shadow of myself.

Talk about what you will.

Single Wishlist

2009-10-24T13:41:00.005+01:00

When people get married or move in together they usually gather a list of things they need, from which friends and family are welcome to buy them gifts.

It's very hard to start a living and this way, people can help knowing what they actually need. It's not always easy to buy gifts for your friends and, therefore, this is the way of presenting them with something that will be actually useful.

How about when we start living on our own? Maybe society hasn't been able to keep up with evolution and therefore it's still unusual for single people ho start living on their own to be treated the same as couple.

I'm making a statement. I'm making my single list :D ahahah So here it is:

it's a lot of stuff isn't it?? Well, actually, this list exists more for personal guidance than for anything else. I need to keep in mind what I really need to invest in, instead of wasting money on foolish stuff.

Either way, my house is cosier and cosier everyday... ;) Feels more like home...

Voting

2009-09-27T20:46:00.002+01:00

It's very common for people to say that voting is a "civic duty". That has become so popular, that people forgot the main purpose of it.

Voting is, first of all, a right, our right as citizens living within a democratic regime.

Knowing that we've lived under a dictatorship not a long time ago (historically speaking, 30 years is nothing), it shocks me to see how careless people are when it comes to voting, to having a voice, to being able to contribute to their country's fate.

I understand that due to the economical/political scenery we have seen, it becomes difficult to believe. However, don't we become part of the crappy system if we numbly decide not to vote?

I always want to speak up; if there's a chance for me to express my opinion, regardless how little it counts, I will! And if I have no idea on which person, party or choice to vote, I will vote blank - I will make my best not to abstain.

Voting is my right; I refuse to let go of it.

The Joy of Reading

2009-09-09T00:43:00.002+01:00

Throughout my university years a lot was going on in my mind and in my life, leaving me not that much time to invest on myself.

Yes, I've benefited a lot from all the activities I was involved it but, at the same time, I neglected myself in a way. I stopped playing music, I never took that much care of my health and, worst of all, I started reading a lot less.

Nowadays, I'm getting re-acquainted with the joys of reading.

Reading is a very selfish pleasure. It transforms you and enhances your development both personally and culturally, but the knowledge you acquire is nothing unless you bring it out to the world. That's why it is so simple, so special and so selfish. Despite the impact it may have on you, you only share as much as you chose to do; eerything else stays inside, and in a way, each of us believes we've seen that little exquisit detail no one else has noticed.

Gawd, did I miss this.

Tales of the Alhambra

2009-09-09T00:34:00.002+01:00

I've just finished reading 'Tales of the Ahambra' by Washington Irving.

It's a very nice book for those who enjoy Moorish tales and legends...I remember being very little and going intensely through a golden covered collection my parents used to have in their bedroom. It was full of this kind of tales and stories and I would be entertained by it for hours.

If you're visiting Granada, I strongly recommend that you read it right after your visit, so that you'll feel more related to the ambience.

Next step: 'Animal Farm' by George Orwell.

Children

2009-08-27T21:43:00.003+01:00

I was babysitting both my nieces (6 years old and 8 months old) for 3 days, nearly 12h per day. Now, I'm ready for some thoughts about the case.

Before my oldest niece was born, I had never followed a child's growing process so close. At first, I was astonished at how fascinating it is to see them evolve, start doing little things that seem so obvious to us while being so challenging for them. It was with great joy that I experienced these little steps just as I do now with the youngest one.

However, just as it is rewarding, it is also frustrating. I have my limits: I'm not that parenting-oriented so sometimes it is very hard for me to deal with their own limitations. Now that there are two of them, I tend to be too demanding on the oldest one, forgetting that she's also a child and barely forcing her to act properly. I even get (too) angry sometimes. *facepalm*
Shame on me.

When it happens remorse takes over me and I'm filled with so much regret... but I'll never make it up to her, what's done is done. And yet, she always welcomes me with the biggest smile.

It's also very difficult for me to understand that I'll never be able to draw the brilliant life plan for them that I would want them to live. I will never be able to control whether they're hurt or not - and they will get hurt, like everyone else.

It sucks.
I'm no good with children.

Lalala

2009-08-20T20:22:00.003+01:00

Today I had a very productive day =) I got three certificates!! One for English Language (C1 rock on 1m/), one for AutoCAD (got a B) and for Advanced Excel (B as well :p)

Afterwards I went to have lunch with M and then we went for some shopping at Fnac *facepalm* I couldn't help it. :x

Either way, I found something that I've always wanted for my collection for a very low price!! Here it is!

Then I got a special gift!! =)

Thanx M!! =) I always feel I will never be able to live up to your standards... I feel very honoured and flattered that you're my friend ;)

Oh well, off the sentimentalism :p I wish I will finish Tales of the Alhambra very quick so I can pick up these two!! =)

Annoyed

2009-08-15T11:38:00.001+01:00

There are two things that annoy me enormously: getting plans screwed up and depending on people.

This must come to an end.

Life Can Be Quite Simple

2009-08-13T20:05:00.003+01:00

We tend to get all wrapped up in fuss, anger, disappointment and resentment when after, it doesn't really need to be that way.

I enjoy meeting people I haven't met in a while. I enjoy having a chance to remember why I started being friends with them in the first place. Most of the times, most weird details go away and we end up having a surprising great time.

Why shall we stock feeling that are just not worthy of our worry?

Welcome back old friends. ;)

Going On

2009-08-12T00:02:00.003+01:00

I've been having great days.

I've gone out with friends, I've studied Spanish, I've worked out, I've been with family, I've been online.

I've been balanced and it feels really good.

Final resolution: keep feeling alive, now matter what.

So, tomorrow it will be another busy day, gotta wake up pretty early to go to the gym and aftewards I'm going to Porto (paperwork awaitens me).
Then, family afternoon, best friend dinner (if she's up to it) and friends' night out. Oh yeah! =)

See ya tomorrow!

Resolutions

2009-08-11T23:58:00.002+01:00

Why do people do their resolutions after New Year's Eve? Do we really need to relate to dates that much?

I'd like to make some resolutions today - I'm not going to wait for the end of the year.

- I will learn Spanish. Even if I don't become great at it, I must be able to endure a simply conversation at least. Without gasping. *rolleyes*
- I will keep working out. Twice a week, minimum. Three times a week, whenever I can.
- I will avoid mendling into people's lives, even if it's "for their own good". Ask first, mendle afterwards.
- I will keep good track of my money and spend it apply wisely.

I think that's all for today.

Signs of Disappointment

2009-08-10T22:20:00.004+01:00

Today, a bunch of guys dressed as Darth Vaders switched the City of Lisbon flag for the ancient Portuguese monarchic flag.

It doesn't really worry me that they want monarchy back - they have the right to an opinion of their own, regardless what that may be. However, it worries me that this kind of attitude may have a harsh impact on people.
Portuguese people are unhappy, disappointed at their country and at the future it presents them. When people are so needy and vulnerable, they can get easily manipulated which can enable a lot of anger, and therefore, irrationality, pain and suffering.

So you, Darth Vaders, get a grip at what your doing - make sure you're doing it right, don't mess with people's minds, for our future and the future of our nation depends on them.

Cheerful Cheerful

2009-07-20T13:04:00.002+01:00

Is seems like my 7 months old niece already has a very good taste for music ;) Kids start early these days!! :p

Makes Us Think

2009-07-20T00:31:00.002+01:00

Today I went to Casa do Regaço, a place where nearly 30 children who have been taken away from their parents are taken care of.

I ended up going there, for no specific reason, and I met some of these children. God.

There were children from the age of 2 to the age of 19 - such different stages of their lives but so much in common though. They looked nice; they were clean and neat, well fed and they even looked pretty happy, actually. Most of them were even polite.
Still, only God knows what's behind those empty smiles - I was told some of them have nightmares all the time.

The youngest boy was 2 years old: he was abandoned by his mother at a doorstep after birth. The last time she saw him was 8 months ago. He probably doesn't remember her at all and it's quite clear that the people he acknowledges as being his family, his beloved ones, are the staff and the volunteers at the institution.

However, some of the other kids were not as lucky - some of their families are not even allowed to see them as they were set apart by the government due to terrible neglect, violence or sexual abuse issues.

A 13 year old boy: an ex-drug dealer (we hope).

Although all the misery they have lived surrounded by, they still smile like children, they crave for affection and attention from whoever crosses their way... I was shocked.

And once again, I got more and more certain that I don't want children on my own.

This One Must Be in Portuguese

2009-06-22T22:38:00.004+01:00

I'm sorry for doing this but this is to embarrassing to be said in English - so here it goes.

Hoje fui às urgências do Hospital da Póvoa de Varzim. Em 24 anos de existência acho que é a primeira vez que tal acontece, mas a tosse nunca mais passa e hoje de manhã apanhei um susto valente, por isso lá vamos nós.

A primeira coisa que me espantou foi o pré-pagamento. Wtf?! Ou seja, se antes de ser atendida me der um treco e for desta pra melhor ainda me ficam com os 8,80€, queres ver??! Olha que lata... Depois claro, a espera habitual: mais de 2h pra ser atendida, Como é óbvio, a minha tosse não apareceu quando devia, por isso levei com uma pulseira verde que me f**i e esperei até ganhar raízes. Lá dentro, para variar, soluções poucas; explicações então, pff, quase nenhumas. Tirei um raio-x e não sei quê e nada. Pulmões limpinhos. Claro que isso não me impediu de levar com a habitual "tem que deixar de fumar", como se ainda me sobrassem muitos prazeres na vida. À saída, fui ao balcão aviar e receita e a gaja não tem mais nada "Tirou raio-x, não foi? São mais 1,75€.." Gggrrr!!!

O que me revolta nesta história??!! Não são as taxas que, apesar de não serem exorbitantes, a verdade é que não deviam ser necessárias. Não é o tratamento aviado às três pancadas ou o tempo de espera. É o facto de eu ser mais bem tratada num país que não é aquele no qual eu nasci e que, supostamente, represento.

À pála da minha tendinite de estimação também tive que ir às urgências na Holanda, país onde nunca nem eu nem os meus pais pagaram impostos. Fui quase tratada como uma VIP. Duas consultas e raio-x; demorei cerca de 1h. Preço: 0€. Medicação eficaz - curou-me numa semana dum mal que me vai acompanhar o resto da vida.

Hoje havia dezenas de pessoas naquelas urgências, algumas queixavam-se - com muita razão, diga-se - outras já nem diziam nada, tanto se habituaram ao atraso de vida que aqui se tolera. Quanto a mim, estou medicada para esta maldita tosse - que afinal parece ser uma traqueíte - pela 2ª vez em 3 semanas. A ver se é desta.

It's Strange How They Always Seem To Get It Right

2009-06-15T19:16:00.001+01:00

Cast your mind back to the days,
When I pretend' I was OK.
I had so very much to say,
About my crazy livin'.
Now that I've stared into the void,
So many people, I've annoyed.
I have to find a middle way,
A better way of livin'.

So I haven't given up,
That all my choices, my good luck...
Appear to go and get me stuck,
In an open prison.
Now I am tryin' to break free,
In a state of empathy.
Find the true and enemy,
Eradicate this prison.

No-one can take it away from me

Bright Lights
Placebo

Happy Birthday!

2009-06-07T13:13:00.001+01:00

Just for you ;)

Snail

2009-06-07T12:53:00.002+01:00

OK, so this is me nowadays. Always running around carrying everything I need to do my (previously) normal life.
Every time I want to be with my friends, to spend a night out with them, to have dinner or even just a drink, I have to pack my bag and find someone to accommodate me.

Well, it sucks.

Not living in Porto and not having an efficient way of moving from one place to another is really restrictive for me - or maybe I am just too used to being too near to everything that matters. Maybe I'm just spoiled.

Whatever the case may be, it sucks.

I miss that lifestyle, I miss being able to walk my way to down town Porto, I miss being 10 minutes by metro away from my friends, from the places I enjoy walking around.

On the other hands, I have absolutely no complaints about my friends - they're always available to accommodate me and make me feel as much comfortable as they can. However, I begin to feel uncomfortable about this situation. I hate being a burden.

Still, carrying bags with me all the time is not the only similarity I have with snails nowadays: I feel slow. My rhythm of living has decreased so much lately that I feel like I'm almost stopping. I start thinking that this is the worst part.

I've always been very very active, since I can remember myself. Having no occupation is driving me crazy.

Either way, I can only hope this situation will change before I start drooling and become a snail for real.

Long Time, No Write

2009-05-28T17:26:00.002+01:00

It's been long since the last time I wrote. It's weird that I haven't felt the need or urge to write here...

Still, I intend on making an effort about it.

These are anxious times. I'm always hoping to know where life will lead me this time, but that time seems never to come.

It seems that all I can do is wait.

But my patience is running out...

Buddies

2009-04-13T13:23:00.002+01:00

There are some people we would never imagine in our lives. Still, somehow, they make their way into us and we happily find them space in our lives.

In Eindhoven I met some people who I'll never forget. Probable, most of them, I'll never see again in my life but they're not forgotten at all.

Like always, each person has its own particularities and they leave a heavy trace for that. Today I miss S. Great person, great tripmate, very mature, very down-to-Earth. I miss having coffee out on the cold, watching stupid movies and exploring the mountains of Ireland.

I miss you and I hope we can get together soon. ;)

You

2009-04-11T14:16:00.002+01:00

I miss you.

Sometimes I think I won't remember you for the rest of my life but I do. When we talk it comes back to me all over again.

I enjoyed being with you. I loved it when we could read eachother's minds - as we still do.

We laughed together, there would always be a good reason to laugh. Sincere laughing - how rare is it these days?

I miss you. I really do.

Speechless

2009-04-10T00:01:00.002+01:00

Since I came back from Eindhoven I haven't felt in the mood to write. Either because I was busy studying or adapting or whatever, or because I just didn't feel like it.

Maybe I just don't have anything that important to say.

Saudade

2009-03-31T23:32:00.001+01:00

The best fries in the world...

Once Again

2009-02-21T23:01:00.002Z

A while ago, I wrote about Passion.

Whether I like it or not, I'm a passionate person. I like the risk, the urge, the shivers, the excitement!

I like doing everything like that - explosively!! I like living with passion!!

I miss the passion.

The Erasmus Syndrome

2009-02-21T21:15:00.001Z

It has happened to a lot a people. After being away and acknowledging some things about the reality surrounding us we tend to say: “No, I won’t put up with this shit anymore!”

Despite feeling this way still, I admit there’s a chance that I’m wrong or that I’m being too strict or obstinate.

So, for the ones I have been questioning myself about, here goes a word or two.

“So don't go away say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time yes I need more time
Just to make things right”

Bad Seed

2009-02-17T21:08:00.001Z

I'm a bad person. I really am.

This is a warning. I am a bad seed.

"Where we're living in this town
The sun is coming up and it's going down
But it's all just the same at the end of the day
And we cheat and we lie
Nobody says it's wrong
So we don't ask why
Cause it's all just the same at the end of the day"

Above Everyone Else

2009-02-13T13:57:00.002Z

During my not long living existence, I met some people who saw themselves as if they were some kind of super-human-beings. They see themselves as above all mankind, as if they were visionaries and therefore saw so much more than everyone else.

At first, they're the most interesting and enticing people I've met: clever, smart, educated. They always say something right, something brilliant, something extremely adequate..! It's wonderful to be around them because they always seem to know everything and, best of all, they seem stable.

Oh well.
When I actually got to know them in their deepest intimacy... Oh Gawd. First, they're not that perfect, which is not bad _at all_ (in fact, no one wants to be with some one that perfect).
Second, I got to realise that they're extremely obsessive. No, that's not natural perfection - everything is meticulously planned and calculated. That's the creepiest part. It really becomes weird (almost scary) to be with someone who you can tell is thinking around 10 times before saying every word, before performing each gesture. It's a fake.
Third, they're so drowned in their own personal development that they isolate themselves from the rest of the world. Since they actually work so hard in building that fake self that looks so overwhelmingly perfect, they assume they've reached perfection. That's the worst part. The person who can fool you the most is yourself. Those people are blinded by themselves and, thus, cannot see over the wall they've built to protect their perfect self. They really think they're visionaries and that they have the key to the meaning of life.

I hope you're right.
I hope you won't get hurt.

"Maybe you're the same as me, we see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever..."

Done

2009-02-08T22:40:00.003Z

I was reading this book for months: gladly, I finished it today.

Guess what? Bleh.

At first, it was too tedious, too descriptive, too everything to make it quite dull. Anyway, the plot was quite appealing so I went on.
Then it acquired some rhythm, some interest, it became more enticing and exciting...!

I kept reading and at the moment I was pretty anxious to know how things would end for Pip, Estella, Joe, Magwitch, Miss Havisham... and then...

nothing.

I'm sorry but I don't think I'm going to read Dickens again.

Some Might Say

2009-02-04T23:50:00.004Z

Some might say that Erasmus changes people. Erasmus changes no-one. In fact, Erasmus is a great period: one meets new people, gets in contact with different cultures, sees new things.

However, I strongly believe that only people who were frustrated with their prior lives worship Erasmus period as something from outer space.
It's not.

Still, and considering that it doesn't change us, it does change the perception we have of the things that surround us.
Being so far, for such a long period of time allows us some clarity that enables us to see what actually matters and how we want to guide our lives afterwards. Or does it distort our vision upon people and places?

As for me, it has showed me things that for long I didn't want to see. Friends are not that much of friends any more (at least some of them) and an automatic selection is done due to these conclusions.

I definitely don't want to feel presumptuous but the truth is that some people don't seem to matter as much as they did once. On the other hand, some people came out to be a lot more important than I ever thought they would.

All-in-all, it's a period for us to re-think ourselves and those who seem to be by our side. I hope I'm doing the right choices - though I reject no one at all - in being determined to focus completely on those who showed to be more than everyone else.

No, Erasmus doesn't change us as persons, but it does change the world we were used to.

My Last Day in Eindhoven

2009-02-04T09:08:00.002Z

It's morning and Sara's already left. I pick up my stuff and start my way to tu/e (paperwork to take care of still).

It's briefly snowing and it's foggy, cloudy. Usually, I would love a morning like this, hence, this time, it gets so depressing...

I pass by the City Hall "Oh b****cks! I have to unregister!" So I do. Gladly, everyone is nice and polite to me - that's a nice goodbye, I guess. Before I leave, I take a coffee out of a machine for 0.20€ (something that I will miss, the prices in NL). I taste it and it's the worst coffee ever (oh so Dutch) - my last worst coffee ever.

I keep my way to tue looking at everything and yet seeing nothing and almost noone walks these streets. Verdomme! - I really am going to miss this shithole!!!

Who would think of that...?

Well, either way... I go to tue, take care of my stuff, some good news, some bad news... My last lunch at Kennyspoort with Mr T (gonna miss that, you French Bastard!), some shopping...

Dutch time for drinking: 16h30, De Zwarte Doos, the Ass-Kicking Team + an italian guest :p Man, how I am going to miss you guys... It sure was a pleasure to ass-kick you all... ;)

Oh well, my last shopping at Albert Heijn (who da fuck is he, anyway?), my last pack of fritz, my last walk through the city center...

I had dinner with the people who were there the most, all over these months, and to whom I owe a lot: Muffy, Sara and Wouter (my dear Buddy).

Afterwards, O'Sheas - smokable place = paradise! Nice music, nice company. I hate saying goodbye. Hugs and kisses and memories that don't let me go. The smell of knowing some people so distinctively, that even with my eyes closed, there would be no room for mistakes.
You almost made me cry, you asshole...

We went home, arm in arm - I was as quiet as I never am. It hurts to turn my back on them, but deep down inside, I trully hope I will meet them again. At least, for now, I'm determined to do it, no doubt!

Right now, the only thing I can say is: thank you! For everything. e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

PS: And for those who invited me, get ready to regret it because I will come and I will haunt your lives!! You're not getting rid of me that easily... ;)

LUall.

Dublin

2009-01-25T13:50:00.004Z

I like the city very much!! Civilization!! :D You know... pollution, traffic, transportation network, bars and pubs full of people drinking Guiness!

The greatest part is that people are so nice!! Their accent is not that easy to follow, but they really try hard to make people feel welcome!!

Dublin, what a nice place...!

Besides, the amount of culture and green areas is antonishing. Surprisingly, in one of these parks i met an old friend!

Sir Oscar Wilde! Very pleased to meet you, Sir! I am a very good admirer of your work!

hahahaha :p Dublin... I wouldn't mind going there for good... ;)

Goodbye

2009-01-25T13:31:00.002Z

This is probably the most used word nowadays, among the 1st semester Erasmus people in
Eindhoven.

Seriously, I still don't feel like it's time to go and I don't think I have yet realized that people are actually leaving for good - and so am I.
Most of them, I will never see them again - some of them I will miss a lot, others I won't miss at all.

Still, these have undoubtely been great times and all these people will always be a part of my life.

Anyway, maybe we can meet in Porto in May, can't we? =)

For those who have already gone and to whom I couldn't/haven't said goodbye, I apologize. And, thus, this video says it all... ;)

Depeche Mode

2009-01-10T17:49:00.001Z

They're are going to be in Porto!! Yay!!!

Now the question is: am I going to be in Porto?
Maybe I should by the ticket anyway, just in case :P

25 Days

2009-01-09T21:14:00.003Z

Today, my mother told me on the phone: "You'll be back in 25 days!"

My Gawd, 25 days... I'm almost there... and still...

On one hand, it doesn't feel like I'm leaving... Maybe I will only realize it when I'm already there...

On the other hand, it feels really nice to actually see that some people will always miss us and always be eager for us to come back: our family.

I'll be glad to be back and I will make an effort to spend time with them more wisely... ;)

The End of the World is Coming

2009-01-09T16:09:00.002Z

... and we know there by the time it snows in Porto!!!

Thanks to Simão, I could take a peek! ;)

Things really are changing... LOLOL

Cold

2009-01-07T09:46:00.001Z

-7

kill me.

My Last Month in Eindhoven

2009-01-06T13:17:00.002Z

I arrived here, for the last time, on the 31st of December. It was a weird feeling of "coming back home". Gawd... it feels like home...

However, it won't be home for a long time now... 1 month is left.

Actually, even though there's such a short time away from my departure it doesn't feel like I'm going away. I'm doing the same things, studying for one exam, working for Sang Lee... it feels the same: plain and siple life in Eindhoven (with less alcohol than usual, of course).

I don't want to think of the day I'm going back, especially because now I'm feeling like I am really going to miss this place.

So... let's do it one more time! Once again, in Eindhoven, enjoying it as much as I can, cause guess what: IT'S ALMOST OVER!!

Where Is My Mind?

2008-12-29T20:40:00.001Z

I bought one of these.

I'm definitely becoming an architect.

*the shame*

The List

2008-12-28T23:28:00.003Z

I guess I missed the most important aspect that should be on the list stated below. There is something else I learnt. I learnt that some people just gather around us for convenience, because it's useful or adequate, or whatever.

When someone is away for some time, as I have been, it becomes easier to distinguish friends from friends, from people we know.

Over the years, I surrounded myself by tons of people - too many people? Maybe or maybe not. I did have a lot to choose from. Most of my choices have proven to be correct or appropriate: I know the best people ever, and it's an honor for me to feel worthy of calling them my friends.

Even though, being away has showed me that not everyone was by my side for my sake, or for their sake or whatsoever. Some people were near me just because. Yes, it disappoints me, but it's not that much of a surprise at all.
However, decisions must be made and refuse to label as friend someone that doesn't care about me or about the ones who surround me just because I was absent for 4 or 6 months.

Guess what - your loss.

Where To Go?

2008-12-28T23:19:00.003Z

This is probably the question I ask myself the most nowadays. I'm completely lost about which way my life will go after I graduate. Will I stay in Portugal, will I go? Will I find a job? Will I find the job I wish I would find?

Right now, a big question mark floats above my head.

Weirdly, it’s not as asphyxiating as I thought it would be, but still it itchy. And you know, if it’s itchy you scratch, and so on…

At the moment, my priorities are to enjoy what’s left of my Erasmus perios, to graduate, to find a job.

Que sera, sera…

Envious

2008-12-28T23:11:00.001Z

Nowadays, I feel quite envious about some people. It’s not a bad feeling, not at all. On the other way around, it’s a healthy envy (is that possible?). I look at their lives and it’s clear that they are happy, that they feel complete. So my feeling is not about wanting to take it away to have it for myself (even because that would clearly not be possible). It’s a feeling of reassurance, of hope that someday I will be worthy of living such a happy, simple life.

In The Netherlands

2008-12-28T21:47:00.002Z

Inspired by my Brazilian friend, Felipe, I decided to make a brief evaluation of this time so far.

What I Haven’t Done So Far
I have not been to Paris
I haven’t crawled out of a bar (yet :p)
I haven’t cycled 
I didn’t go to Delft

What I Have Done So Far
I have established relationships I never thought I would
I have travelled to beautiful places
I have been dealing with architects
I have made snowmen :D

What I Learnt
I learnt that there’s no need to put up a fight whenever I want to make my point clear
I learnt that it’s a lot more efficient to manipulate people :P
I learnt that no matter what I do I can never please everyone at the same time
I learnt that despite all the places I may go, I will never find myself nowhere besides inside myself
I learnt that I still don’t know what I want for my life
I learnt that her are several other ways of living, different that mine, that make people happy

Tear You Apart

2008-12-21T22:21:00.002Z

Got a big plan, this mindset maybe its right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
And the whisper or handshake sending a sign
Wanna make out and kiss hard, wait nevermind

Late night, and passing, mention it flipped her
Best friend, who knows saying maybe it slipped
But the slip turns to terror and a crush to light
When she walked in, he throws up, believe its the fright

Its cute in a way, till you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette, your knees get weak
An escape is just a nod and a casual wave
Obsessed about it, heavy for the next two days

It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know
You pray it all away but it continues to grow

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear

I want to f*cking tear you apart

Then he walked up and told her, thinking that he'd passed
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare

They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do
Cause theres always repercussions when you're dating in school
But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last

Either way he wanted her and this was bad
He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy
Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I want to f*cking tear you apart

To Make Amends

2008-11-17T21:30:00.002Z

Sometime people hurt us pretty bad. So bad we can actually bear that kind of pain for years. Well, anger doesn't hurt anyone except for ourselves... and there are some kinds of pain I'm just tired of carrying with me everywhere I go.

I'm ready to mak amends.

No, trully, how far are we willing to go when it comes to forgive someone who has hurt us in such way that even thinking about it makes us curse everything and everyone?
Are we really wiling to put everything behind usan go on with our lives like if it never happened? What do we really want from the people who made us feel like shit?

For some, an apology is enough - maybe it didn't mean that much anyway, and both people were just being stubborn about it.
In other cases, we search for answers. Still, it is important to know whether we eally want to get those answers or not. Or on the other way around... do we want to know the answer?
Maybe we don't confront people because we're afraid of what they'll say, we're afraid of actually finding out that it was our fault after all.

Oh well, the bets are on the table - let the game begin.

Statcounter

2008-11-11T17:37:00.002Z

I used to have Statcounter on my blog. What is it? Well, it is a gadget you can apply your blog so that you know the IP addresses of everyone who sees it.
I used to go through these addresses, some of them I could tell who they were from, so i kind of knew who was reading my blog.
Some months ago I accidently took it off. At the time I wanted to put it back but i didn't have the time yadayadayada so... I didn't. Never again.
Actually, it is good not to know who reads this or if someone reads this at all! This blog is not about reading it at all.

Napoleon

2008-11-05T21:57:00.001Z

Napoleon Bonaparte (15 August 1769 – 5 May 1821) was a French military and political leader who had a significant impact on the history of Europe. He was a general during the French Revolution, the ruler of France as First Consul of the French Republic and Emperor of the First French Empire.

Tired

2008-11-05T21:56:00.000Z

After a long day... studying, steps, portuguese food... I'm tired... so tired... but it feels like home... ;)

Transparency

2008-10-18T01:27:00.002+01:00

We tend to think that our apparent attitude works exactly as we plan it, though we know that is not true.
Still, it's the weirdest when someone can see us through our own eyes, reading our minds, analyzing our behavior, stripping us off from every social cover.

It's weird, but maybe it feels nice.

Look at Me

2008-10-14T16:19:00.001+01:00

Some people should just sing this once and for all.

Introspection

2008-10-12T19:07:00.002+01:00

When I came to Eindhoven, I was hoping that through meeting new people and new cultures, through traveling I would find myself.

However, it seems that the more I know, the more I feel like I'm losing myself. Still, on the contrary of what I thought, it doesn't feel bad at all. It's weird to see all my truths tumbling down... I've always thought I wanted to make a living in England, now I'm not sure of that anymore.

Maybe Berlin, maybe somewhere else...

Anyway, it's curious to see how I work all these things in my mind... Regardless whatever happens, or however I feel, I just keep on moving, I'll never stop.

Maybe someday I'll reach my final destination. =)

Travelling Alone

2008-10-10T21:20:00.003+01:00

Now this is a new experience for me... I had never explored a city on my own, so I'm quite a newby at this, and some points stand out.

Advantages:

I can go wherever I want;
I can do it whenever I want;
I don't have to put up with delays or to discuss where we will go next - I decide!

Disadvantages:

I have no one to talk to;
I have no one to take pictures with (which doesn't stop it all :p I keep asking people in the street to take me pictures :p but it's just not the same);
I don't have anyone to go out with.

Well, all-in-all, travelling alone is good but it may get quite boring after a while. Still, it is better than to do it with the wrong company - I just hate it when people start with that "I'm tired" "Can we have a beer now?" "Do we really have walk there?" *grr*

The best is when we actually find a good travelling mate - which is not as easy as it may seem. Oh well, I'd still rather travel alone than not travel at all.

2008-10-08T10:02:00.001+01:00

You're pushing me over... over and over...

How are YOU?

2008-10-06T13:37:00.001+01:00

Now that's something people don't usually ask me. Usually, I ask them and spend hours listening to their joys and laughs, pain and cries.

Don't mind asking me, I'm OK. Really, I am OK - even if I weren't, I'd be anyway.

Evolution

2008-10-05T20:52:00.002+01:00

Some of my friends have started working and earning their own money lately and all of them say that that life is so different from the student kind of life. However, I don't know if they realize how much it changes them.

Well, actually, I don't know if they've actually changed or if it's my vision of them that has changed. Still, some of them seem to have turned to materialistic. Does working have the ability of changing us so bad that at the end of the day all we care about is money?

On one hand, they tend to get more generous, for they can now afford things they could never afford as students. On the other hand, it seems like money is the only thing that matters.

Is it?

Lord of Sauron

2008-10-03T11:06:00.001+01:00

Been there, done that.

Love

2008-10-01T23:21:00.003+01:00

Sometimes, you'll fall in love when it's least expected for you to.

I've just fell in love... again...

I'm in love with Berlin!!!!! Someday I'm sure we'll meet again... ;) And who knows? Maybe we can live happily ever after...

For The Dancing Queens

2008-09-26T23:51:00.000+01:00

The Route

2008-09-26T23:08:00.005+01:00

Amsterdam

Berlin

Dresden

Munich

Frankfurt

See you all next week ;)

Dreaming

2008-09-24T22:35:00.002+01:00

Yes, you know, I do dream about it. Sometimes you'll see me smiling for no reason, staring at a wall. Daydreaming, my favourite way of dreaming.
Only I can control my dreams and manipulate them towards my deepest desires. I dream and it makes me calm.
If you find me smiling, rejoice with my smile for if I do, it means that I'm calm, serene, happy about my life. When I'm not happy, when I don't feel complete or safe, my dreams will often bring me tears.
Tears are nice, they wash everything away.

Now I'm clean and I smile while I'm dreaming.

Home

2008-09-24T22:19:00.002+01:00

Nowadays, here, I feel like home.

I've settled my habits and my routine, I have favourite places and favourite routes. I know where to find the people I want to meet, I know where to go if I want to be alone.

I live for me and then for my friends, for those who surround me. And how I love to be surrounded by them...

It's good to be here... I don't want to go back.

Space

2008-09-14T21:37:00.002+01:00

I've always loved having a full house. Entertaining friends, inviting everyone in, letting people into my life.

Well, but sometimes we just need some privacy, some space. Our "supposedly 4 people house" has been so crowded lately that I cannot even imagine how it is with the 4 of us only. :p

Maybe i will find out about it at the end of the month.

Still, I need space!! *freaks out*

Purpose

2008-09-14T21:28:00.002+01:00

We are constabtly trying to find a purpose for living...

Well, I've had enough of this quest. It's not really about its meaning or purpose. It doesn't really matter what life will end up being - maybe it's nothing more than this. So let us live, fully, greatly, luxuriously!

For after this... there may not be anything else...

Changes

2008-09-12T10:45:00.002+01:00

Over the years, I've always been quite concerned about those who lived around me. Usually, more concerned about them then about myself (maybe the reason that has made me worry so much about them was exactly trying to avoid thinking about myself).

This led to my participation in all kinds of activities and associations (I can never have too much spare time). However, all these associations' purposes were related to helping others develop themselves or had a community-like purpose. Even though I enjoyed it a lot, it was never directly good for myself:: the advantages I took from those were mere consequences. Due to that I neglected myself for too long and never did anything for my own development or leisure.

Well, that must be over: it's time for me to think about myself.

I've come on Erasmus Programme: that's definitely selfish, isn't it? Well, I really need to be selfish now. So, I'm doing it only for myself. I spend time with who I want, I talk only to who I want to talk to (my Portuguese cell-phone SIM card has been de-activated and, sincerely, i don't have any motivation in reactivating it). I’ll try to develop my self both physically and mentally – only for myself. I'll travel and see the things I want to see, meet the people I want to meet, live the life I chose to live. Enough with making other people happy. Now, I'm happy myself, and it's so much more rewarding...

Happy Birthday Siss!

2008-09-08T13:12:00.001+01:00

For old time's sake! ;)

Happiness

2008-09-05T18:17:00.002+01:00

It's incredible how little and simple things can make us so happy!

This morning, when I woke up, there were two boxes at my bedroom door: the package from my parents had arrived!! It felt like Christmas morning! =D
Now I have all my clothes, all the gadgets I need, my running-shoes and everything and more! My mother sent me a coffee maker and Portuguese coffee!! So I put everything in its own place and now my room is so comfortable! I love it that tonight I'm going to sleep in a clean just-set bed! I love sleeping in a clean, fresh bed...

It's just one of those things that make me feel simply happy... On the outside of the boxes it was written "a kiss from Inês and Raquel", my little nieces... ;)
So, even though it was raining nearly all day, I walked all over town, I made plenty of tasks and now, knowing I will be spending another great evening with these new friends I found (I'm not actually sure if were friends already... is hard to tell) everything feels great!

Today I'm happy and actually I'm starting to believe that happiness isn't supposed to come from big things, successful careers and passionate and fairy-tale relationships. Happiness is in every little thing that makes us smile and gives us bliss. ;)

2008-09-05T00:03:00.000+01:00

"Blessed are the cracked for they let in the light."

There Still Are Nice People

2008-09-02T19:39:00.003+01:00

One of the greatest things about travelling or getting to know new people is their ability to surprise me.

It's nice realiing that there still are nice people in this world - people with true and sincere values, people that stand up for what they believe in, with absolutely no shame, no regrets.

Well, it goes both ways anyway, like everything.. Some people surprises in the most negative way ever and don't behave according our great expectations.

Actually, it may be just the same everywhere - here I'm just more focused on this process of getting to know people.

One thing I'm starting to realize: it's not about the place I'm at, it's about me and the way I face daily life and people. Maybe also the way I face myself.

Guess Who's Going

2008-08-26T10:17:00.002+01:00

Anathema live in Eindhoven for free! ;) Couldn't be better!

First Post From Eindhoven

2008-08-13T13:58:00.002+01:00

Hi there people! Here I am in Eindhoven!
This is avery small, quiet, industrial kind of town. Everyone rides bikes here all the time (I'm so screwed) and the weather changes constantly from rainy to sunny which is very confusing lol

It's ok though ;) I'll be sending news everyone once in a while.. and photos as well maybe ;)

anyway, miss you much.

Toothbrush

2008-08-10T23:39:00.002+01:00

Sometimes we hold on to worthless things that carry a very intense meaning.
Some years ago I had a boyfriend who used to have a toothbrush of his own in my place. When our relationship ended he took me sometime to acknowledge and accept it. Only when I felt the urge of throwing away his toothbrush, I knew I had overcome it for good. Because it was so personal, so intimate, so everything that relationship had meant to me - by then, it was worthless already, and I could throw it away with no regrets.

Today I left my place in Porto for good and so I threw away the toothbrush I had been using lately there. Because it's time to move on and that chapter of my life is finally closed: for good. Those were very good times, but they're gone. Goodbye toothbrush, goodbye 41.

Going Away

2008-08-01T19:26:00.003+01:00

Since I was pretty young I always said I wanted to go abroad. It's always been a dream of mine, to see other cultures, to learn how others live, how other societies work. Well, that's about to happen and having the chance of doing that in a properly developed country like Netherlands is just too fortunate.

Yes, I kind of felt some cold feet, but now, knowing where I'll live, realizing the time is approaching so fast I'm growing more and more excited.

Well, actually.. when my life gets complicated or tedious I always feel the urge of running/going away. Probably that's why I was getting cold feet - my life's ok now...

However, someone told me that the issue is not in the place or town I live in - it's deep down inside me. That's what I need to change, that's what I need to enhance in me. I need to realize what I trully want to do about my life, where I want to live, who I want to be. Then, I shall make a plan I go along with it - this time for good.
If one week is Istanbul made such a remarkable difference in me, I cannot imagine the effect of living in Eindhoven for 6 months. i just hope it will be for the best! ;)

Maybe I will want to keep going away, to see and live in other places. Maybe I will want to come back for good and make a living in this beautiful town which is Porto.

I will miss a lot of things, a lot of people.. I won/t be here for some events but I won't stop being who I am. When I come, we'll see how it goes. I just hope I will still have the honour of enjoying the great family, all the great people that have surrounded me through all these years.

OK: I'm ready to go. :)

My New Home

2008-08-01T16:03:00.003+01:00

OK!! So this is where I'll live in Eindhoven!!! :D

My address is: Pastoriestraat 135, 5612 Eindhoven,Netherlands

And this is the way from my place to tu/e!!

Diary-Like Post

2008-07-30T13:40:00.002+01:00

OK, so here I am, in my hometown.. trying to spend some time with my family, since I'm going away for 6 months..

However, I'm bored to tears. It's worth the time I've spent with my little niece - she always asks me to be with her, to play with her... How could I ever say no?

Still, nowadays, I don't have so many friends here... I've lost contact with some of them, the other are working or doing whatever they do in their lives... one of them has even a child already!! This is so weird...

I enjoy being here for an afternoon, for dinner... apart from that, it's more than enough... It's time to move on.

"Next Life" by Woody Allen

2008-07-29T17:55:00.000+01:00

"In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead
and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home
feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go
collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold
watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until
you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink
alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high
school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You
have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And
then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like
conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger
quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm! I
rest my case..."

dEUS

2008-07-29T17:40:00.003+01:00

dEUS are coming to Portugal this week!!!

This is a must:

"The plan it wasn't much of a plan
I just started walking
I had enough of this old town
had nothing else to do
It was one of those nights
you wonder how nobody died
we started talking
You didn't come here to have fun
you said: "well I just came for you"

But do you still love me?
do you feel the same
Do I have a chance
of doing that old dance
with someone I've been
pushing away"

Let's See

2008-07-29T17:31:00.003+01:00

I guess we never know how we actually feel towards something until we see the situation from a certain distance. Maybe in 3 weeks I will be able to know what I'm feeling now - or maybe just in 2 or 3 or 6 months. Still, someday I will know.

However, the only thing I can do at that time is learn with from what I've lived before. Well sometimes we just don't learn.

Still, I raise my head towars the next step - I'm anxious, excited, hopeful... I don't know what else. Despite everything, I will give my best and que sera, sera.

Badger Badger Badger Mushroom

2008-07-28T01:57:00.001+01:00

Saying Goodbye

2008-07-27T16:51:00.003+01:00

Boxes - my life into bags and boxes.

I've lived in this place for 4 years and I've lived so much inside these walls, with this beautiful people - right now, it's just getting harder to let go.

Probably I'm just feeling jealous because now I realize they will do just fine with out me. However, the question is, will I be fine without them?

17

2008-07-24T23:41:00.002+01:00

I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Soulmates Never Die

2008-07-13T11:06:00.001+01:00

It’s not easy having a good marriage but I don’t want it easy. I thank God every day that I married a man who made me think. That’s my definition of true love. (...) Your soulmate is the person that pushes all your buttons. Pisses you off on a regular basis and makes you face your s***.

by Madonna

Fear

2008-07-02T12:02:00.002+01:00

Nowadays, all it seems to me is that people are ruled by fear.

They fear being unemployed, so they will work under proper conditions.
They fear being alone so they will settle with the 3rd choice.
They're afraid of getting hurt, so they will avoid getting truly involved in order to prevent heart-breaking.
They're afraid of failing, so they will probably not try, using some lame excuse like "I'm just not into it".

How long will it take until we start facing our lives with responsability, without fear of having to take the consequences for our choices?

Sex & The City

2008-07-02T11:34:00.004+01:00

Last Sunday night I went to the cinema to watch Sex & The City - The Movie.

It's not a bad movie but I felt like it's a movie like so many others out there...

The distinctive character of the series was absolutely lost and all the things they intended women to believe in were disrupted. I felt pity for I no longer recognized the characters, just as I felt absolute disappointment for, after all, they ended up behaving like everyone else.

Moral of the story: no matter what you do, or how much you avoid it - you will end up like everyone else, or wanting to be like everyone else.

Period.

My Master Thesis

2008-07-02T11:30:00.003+01:00

So, it's almost over. All I need it to print it and deliver it.
It's a weird sensation.

But it sure is rewarding to look at it and feel it's mine, all mine - I don't owe it to anyone else. Mine.

Still, lots of things are not mine and yet I feel like if they were. On the other hand, there are plenty of things which are mine but I can never feel like they truly belong to me, or that I have ownership over them. Some things will just never be ours.

Writing

2008-05-29T17:48:00.000+01:00

Why do I write on this blog? I write for sometimes I just need to let go of some feelings – the ones I keep to myself. Sometimes they’re true, sometimes they’re not.
However, when I write I never feel like these posts will have any effect on other people – which is right, at a certain level. Besides, not many read this blog anyway…
Still, often do I get the feeling that people create misconceptions towards my conduct and my lifestyle through what they read on these posts.
So what? So fuck it.
I write this because I just feel like it, not because I want it to have a reaction on anyone, anyway…
Those who want to misread it – do, like I care.

Rainy Days

2008-05-29T11:33:00.003+01:00

It's the 29th of May and in Porto it is raining like if it was January.

These are rainy days but not only are our feet getting wet.

On one hand, the rain makes us want to stay home, makes us relaxed and even lazy... However, at this time of the year the need to study is so hard that we can't stay home, so we come outside, and most of us end up feeling bored and stressed and wanting not to do anything.

On the other hand, rain washes away all bad thought and frustrations.. makes us want to risk it to try, to go on or to let go of our mental restraints and go with the flow...

2008-05-22T20:23:00.000+01:00

"Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you come around

Come loose your dogs upon me
And let your hair hang down
You are a little mystery to me
Every time you come around

We talk about it all night long
We define our moral ground
But when I crawl into your arms
Everything comes tumbling down"

2008-05-22T16:05:00.004+01:00

"But we will know, won't we? Star will explode in the sky...

But they don't, do they? Stars have their moment and then die..."

When people start dating someone new, when they fall in love or feel attraction for the first time, it usually is all butterflies and stars.
However, my question is, does it last forever?

What about when people know each other for long enough..so long that reality has already taken every star away...

May we ever be afraid of seeing our own stars?

To Dream

2008-05-21T23:55:00.004+01:00

I quite admire those who dare to dream without consequences... Those who aren't afraid of getting hurt.

I'm a dreamer, a believer, I know I am. But only as long as my conscience lets me - at some point I will wake up and face the situation rationally.

However, what about those who never do it? How about those who'd rather suffer desperately than come undone?

I both pity and admire them.

I pity them for so pathetic they seem - even if, after all, they're so greater and braver than everyone else.

I admire them for they fear no pain - which may mean either insanity or greatness.

Dream. Dream the higher you can, for if you don't reach your highest aims you'll, at least, reach higher than most will.

Simple Pleasures

2008-05-17T00:21:00.001+01:00

There are some things so simple, yet so pleasant... Dark hot chocolate ;) my favourite...

Passion

2008-05-16T14:17:00.003+01:00

One of the things I love the most in life is passion.

In my opinion, we only live properly when we're passionate about our life.

So I am.

I'm passionate about my tastes, about the people around me, about my goals and dreams.
I laugh and cry passionately, desperately for I don't know any other way of living that could ever fulfil me so much.

I like it when people are passionate around me - when they party wild, when they cry out loud at a serenade or when they spit fire from their mouths in anger.

That's being passionate.

We're passionate when we believe in something so hard that we could never let it go, despite how much it can hurt to make a statement. We’re passionate when we aim higher than we'll ever reach but still we run for it as we would do for our own lives.

I like the passion, the shivers down my spine, the rage of wanting something so bad it drives us mad!!

If it weren't for passion, would it be any fun at all?

It's the Devil, my friends

2008-05-12T13:34:00.001+01:00

It's amaizing how a week only can change situations so much: this is the work of the Devil, my friends.

Thank Gawd! Or the Devil... ;)

Future

2008-04-28T18:53:00.002+01:00

If most of the times I seem so careless about what will happen about my life then let me tell you: I'm not.

Actually, I worry so much, I almost panic sometimes due to the great uncertainty that awaits us.

Will we go, will we stay? Will things be much alike what they are now, in 10 years? Or will they be so radically different that I may not recognize myself anymore when I look into the mirror?

I swing from hope to despair, from faith to disappointment - I'm definitely afraid.

In fact, I tend to feel that I have dedicated so much of my time and attention to so many things that I see now as unworthy that maybe my greatest fear is to make the same mistake again. Over and over again.

But still, are we supposed to live unfaithfully? Or are we supposed to keep dreaming and failing constantly, like a never ending cycle?

Is it worth it to keep believing? Or am I too much of a believer, to the point of expecting what will never come? Is it supposed to never come?

Maybe it is - or at least everyone seems to act like that: careless, unfaithful, unhopeful, cold.

2008-04-28T18:46:00.000+01:00

"Gee, but it's hard
When one lowers one's guard to the vultures

Now, me I regard it
A torturous hardship that smolders

Like a peppermint eaten away
Will I fight? Will I swagger, or sway?

Tee hee, milady
She cries like a baby
Scold us

See her tumbling down..."